double-digits

Reaching a double-digit number has a sense of finality to it.

I remember when I got to 10 years old, I felt so proud because the next time I would add another digit to my age will be when I reached 100. xD And if you listen to hanfei/jingxian/weite/ais etc.etc. I'm not going to make it past 20 given my current sugar intake.

Then there is the sheer horror of scoring single-digit marks for TSD essays. Yeah, there was a sense of accomplishment when I brought myself slightly closer to passing.

Then there is the problem of candles on a cake. Up till now, I'm wondering why people don't just give me 18 candles on my cake. I mean, don't you think that single tall candle will feel out-of-place and sad?

Why am I rambling about such a random topic -.-. I should stop.

quit while you're ahead

Its funny how things that no one wants always get passed around.

When you have those circles of friends in a bonding activity, then you pass food around, do you ever realise that the chip bag moves slowly but things like the jamtarts from someone's cny celebs moves the fastest. No one wants it, but it moves 3-4 rounds before someone has the sense to put it aside. No one wants to look like the wasteful one who doesn't want it and puts it aside, but then again, each person knows they themselves don't want it. So it continues to pass around at impressive speed while everyone inwardly hopes that there will be some sad person in the circle who is pathetic enough to want it.

Almost the same as life eh, the way that parents recycle presents, the way we try to ditch work onto someone else, the way we push blame to other people. I guess thats why people say you should quit while you are ahead. Because if you are ahead you can outrun the people who are trying to pass things to you. It is the people behind who get all the crap dished out to them and need to bear all of humanity's crap.

Hoho. It's like the whole world knows how to play pass-the-parcel.

Mirror Mirror on the wall

Once there was an old rich man with a cranky miserable attitude. He visited a Rabbi one day to see if the Rabbi might be able to help him discover what was wrong with his life.

After the two men talked together for a while, the Rabbi thought of a good way to illustrate to the rich man the problem with his life. Taking the man by the hand, he led him over to the window. He asked him to look out the window and tell him what he saw. The man stood there a moment before saying "I see some men and women and a few children."

"Fine," said the Rabbi. Once more he led the rich man by the hand across the room to the mirror. "Now look and tell me what you see."

The man frowned and said, "Well, I see myself."

"Interesting," the Rabbi replied. "The window is made of glass and the mirror is also made of glass. But the glass of the mirror has been covered with silver. As soon as you add the silver, you cease to see others and instead see only yourself."

Angst and Rage.

It ain't fair, how all those bloggers out there fill the world with their angst and rage. Why do adoring readers have to read angst and rage? Is there that much catharsis in spewing out the problems you face at the big wide world of the internet that cause us bloggers to disregard our readers' feelings and long term sanity? I doubt so.

Well, then again, if blogs with readership get to angst and rage, I guess blogs like mine with no readership should be dedicated to less angsty and rage-y stuff. Like random crap. Like funny junk. Like fluff.

~FLUFF. WHEE~ TIS FLUFFEH

Well at least thats what Nick's reaction to a sweater was. A sweater. Not even a kitten. A SWEATER.

Oh forget it, my brain cell count has been on a steep decline since I happened to pass through CChess today.

Tastes.

I always wondered what people meant when they said that some things have a taste to them. Like, how on earth is there a "taste" in victory? Or a "taste" of bittersweet longing? I mean, apart from the victory of getting to the 7-11 offer section. Or the bittersweet longing I have for dark chocolate.

But I guess you come to realise that some things do have a taste to them. Like that bland feeling you have when your life has degenerated into a monotony. Or that bitter taste that engulfs your life when you consider things that are too great for your comprehension. (And cause me to break out. wtfreak. I NEVER BREAK OUT.)

Then of course there's that sour taste of having been confused, hurt and betrayed, a caustic taste that makes you search for some artificial sugary sustenance to just take the edge off it. And as you nibble on your metaphorical lollipop, you can curse, sigh and choke back tears.

That sounded strangely emo. Hmm. Nevermind, time to find my lollipops.

lolololol

Fr. Simon Pereira is hilarious.

Fr. Simon: You know, when we were younger, you needed to take this test on bible knowledge in order to get confirmed. I struggled to get 55/100
Congregation: hurhurhurhur
Fr. Simon: Don't laugh! Most of the Catholics I know get 20-25/100!
Congregation: HURHURHURHUR
Fr. Simon: Meanwhile, my protestant friends score 90/100.
Congregation: oops.

I guess it ain't that funny if you aren't Catholic but too bad. My blog, and I think its funny. So there.

Problems.

~Nothing lasts, life goes on, full of surprises, 

We'll be faced with problems, of all shapes and sizes, 

You're going to have to make a few compromises, 

For now. But only for now. ~

I realised, I have been free from TSD for a week. But it seems like it has been eternity. Life seems to just trundle along and a week later, my life has snowballed into a lump of muck. Muck fraught with problems, annoyance and decisions. 

But, heck to all that. Avenue Q says its only for now. And if TSD has taught me one things, its that Avenue Q is often, snarkily, right. 

I am on my last lollypop

See above. I'm not the happiest camper ever.
I AM SO GOING TO CANDY EMPIRE TMR. ROAR.

Thinking.

Today I bought 18 pink heart-shaped lollies. They taste nice. 
YES, I bought them cos they taste nice. No, no one bought it for me. (Just to pre-empt all you idiots out there) 
I gave a bunch to my tsd juniors but I must say they make great company when one is thinking. The lollies. Not the juniors x.x This reminds me of that all-too-famous convo I have with nick sometimes. 


Nick: *says something dumb*
Ruth: y'think?!
Nick:...waitwait...you can THINK?! 
(insert mad running around and whacking each other)


Its a strange activity, thinking. It seems futile to philosophize our lives away because the nature of the world is incomprehensible. Like Vladimir who ponders "Was I sleeping while the others suffered? Am I sleeping now?" No matter how hard we tap our heads (or in Vladimir's case; his hat) we are never going to understand some things. 


Then when you get perplexed about something I find it so ironic that people tell me to "think about something else". But I guess its true, one cannot simply turn off ones brain. Things come back and eat away at you when you are idle. And things hunt you down when you run away from it. Though I run away pretty well nowadays. You gotta be pretty good to make me think. 


Then there is "thinking too much into things". How can one possibly think too much? Or maybe the question is, "who on earth thinks too little?" Well, sometimes I look at people in church who seemed aged beyond their years because they think too much into things to little avail. I think the proper literary term is "over-reaching"? Then you think about those mental patients who are 40ish but have white wrinkle-free skin. My mother used to tell me that these people are the happiest cos they don't need to think about all the hard things in life. shrugs. I don't know, I'd rather not think too much into things honestly. 


If that pwns me, then too bad I guess. 


I've eaten 2 lollies since the start of this. I better stop now. 

TSD Freedom: Day 2

Woohoo! 2 days of freedom feels like heaven. I think about how much fun I got to have today and realise that I've really missed that. Sure, there is fun in  jumping around the TSD room singing pokemon to destress, or hilarity in laughing at nick, or insanity in jumping on the mattress to think of the next idea regarding foam and glue; but that joy is of a trapped soul who is confined within the walls of a black cube, trying to find fun within. Even the momentary freedom in fleeing from the room comes with needing to buy art supplies, needing to do work along the way or simply being haunted by the things that lay unfinished. 

I guess I'm not free yet, but it sure feels liberating to be out in the real world again. I'm not happy to be back to work and needing to face my less-than-satisfactory CT grades. But there's enjoyment in being able to walk down sentosa and chat with friends, or blast down Orchard to meet my family for dinner. 

I think that is called space. Space to enjoy, space to appreciate and most importantly space to think. It amazing how much thinking one can get done. How much you can toss about your brain, like trying to reprocess from bales of straw lumped about into fine stacks of hay that, even if not neat, have been gone through. This is terrible grammar. Thats one side-effect of overindulgence in pensiveness, you are overexposed to this garble running through your brain your linguistic ability degenerates to strings of excessively long words that ramble on and on and on and on. and on. and on. 

And on, And on. 

TSD Freedom: Day 1

I don't know why I am posting now. I guess I'm just lavishing in the fact that this elusive substance known as "free time" is mine to be had again. Time to just sit around and relax, time to laugh with my friends, time to think into what is happening around me, time to resolve things I've left for too long, time to figure out what the hell I'm doing with life and all that crap.

Yeah, there is the kind of thought you do when you are stressed out about work, there is the kind of thought you do when you are under the influence of glue and paint doing your set and there is a kind of thought that only occurs in peace. I'd like to say quiet in addition to that but seeing how there are 5 msn convos or more going off while I do the above, I think I'll just be happy that there is no TSD word documents and spreadsheets in the back.

Strange how much thinking one can get done and how many things one straightens out in times like this. Maybe I should do this more often.

WHAT I LEARNT TODAY:

1) My parents put in a new aircon 1 month ago. I just didn't notice.

2) My house has a pool of water which is supposed to be a jacuzzi in the making. I think it looks like a fishtank but maybe thats just cos its not done.

3) 410 Green takes longer to get to my stop than 410 White

4) Jelly Drink isn't on offer at 7-11 anymore!

5) Xiaonei is annoying. Maybe cos I can't read anything up there.

6) It is possible to fall asleep while the physics teacher is demoing electron diffraction. What dya know.

7) I need more sleep.

8) My house is really getting overtaken by rats.

9) Spain and Netherlands are left in the World Cup.

10) The world is brighter outside the black box.

Now, I better get to TSD lesson, how ironic.

OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Today I turned on my computer and didn't transfer paint onto the keyboard.
Today I closed the uhu glue cap.
Today I took all the wires and netting out of my bag.
Today I took the nail polish off my nails.

Today I realised I didn't need to memorise scene changes
Today I crashed in the TSD room and actually slept
Today I remembered how to sit in class and stone.
Today I realised I didn't need to eyeball aunties around me anymore.

Today I sat and thought about things other than theatre.
Today I threw my hair back and laughed
Today I saw my house in the sunlight
Today I got enough sleep. Or is going to. At least.