there is a scale to ggxxness.

The 9 days of madness

On the first day of CTs
I thought I was walking to my doom
But I just wrote TSD crap
In an awfully empty room

On the second day of CTs
I thought it wouldn't be that bad
But then I ended up damn pissed at
Not being able to do math

On the third day of CTs
I had given up all hope on all this
Then went and made up
My own formulas in physics

Now I face the fourth day of CTs
And what on earth will I do
I haven't started studying and
I'll just admit that I am screwed

On the weekend after CTs
Guess what, my work is not done!
I have
Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Essssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee A levels!

Four days of CTs meet
Three days of weekend and
Two A level presentations
And one bigbigbig screwed up life.

TSD PEOPLE ARE PANGSEHKIAS

I WILL TYPE THIS ENTIRE POST IN CAPS.

DEAR TSD PEOPLE

WHY THE HELL WAS I THE ONLY PERSON TAKING CTS. WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME EVERYONE ELSE WAS PONNING.

AND IT CAME OUT ON A PAST-YEAR TOPIC TOO.

AND GUESS WHAT, I COULDN'T DO IT.

DAMN YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

AND YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

AND YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

AND YOUUUUU- ACTUALLY I CAN'T DAMN YOU I STILL NEED TO FINISH A LEVELS.

GRRRRRRL;FGN;fGNkjsngjwRGNRKRLGNRKGnN gmfgkngkwrjgnrsk

I wonder if people come to this blog.

oh well, if you did, you just wasted some part of your life reading at least the title of this post. 


I wonder if people ever get sick of me posting about TSD. Today I took a stroll around school while waiting for a preliminary coat of paint to dry and I felt the air of mugging around me. There was this heavy feeling in the air around the school, like it was this gaseous form that was collectively taken in and breathed out by the whole school population, in panting breaths, anxious to cram knowledge into their brains for CTs. Or maybe it just was rainy. I can't tell, i've spent too long in the blackbox to know when it rains or when CTs are. 


In other news, I think I'm gonna be 1 of 2 people taking TSD CTs, which will be hilariously funny. To all you KI/Art/etc people taking in the same room, you can watch me and zhongren go in, write our names, fall asleep and both be on the deans list. yes, you may be jealous now. But I'm also 1 of 2 people taking all the CTs, which I predict will be fun. I'm thinking BCDSS for this CT, or BCDSU. and thats optimistic. And I need to go from TSD madness, to CTs, back to TSD showcase, which my wonderful TSDmates have agreed to postpone till after my CTs end, IMMEDIATELY AFTER MY CTs END. Like, "gosh im done not knowing anything for chem...OH CRAP WHAT WERE MY LINES I NEED TO GO ON STAGE NOW." 


To think in just 2 weeks, I would have closed the door on this madness, saying bye to hecking about exams and departing from the theatre...and possibly never returning. It makes me a bit sad, but, if you ask me, I wouldn't trade these 2 years in TSD for anything. Give me all the crap again and I would still take it. Maybe it unlocked something in me, maybe it gave me a chance to be myself, or maybe it just gave me a chance to act and pretend to be someone I wasnt. Well, whichever it was, I guess its right to say that when you enter the theatre, you fall in love with it and you never want to leave. Doesn't matter how bad you are at it, you learn things you never knew you never knew. MUCH MORE THAN YOU CAN SAY FOR ECONS.


Anyway, stop ranting start doing TSD ruth. 

Ragemode?

dammit. remind me to avoid going into ragemode. I'm already some annoying dry person so if I rage I think people explode. Ragemode, is not a good mode. 

So yeah, I guess I'm a bit too proud to admit it in real life but all the people who got ragemoded by me in the last week or so (no one in particular that is, cos there were too many) I am very sorry. I would go on for a paragraph about how I'm superstress and screwed but no excuse for ragemoding and bitching around. So yes, I will stop here, I'm sorry. 

what if it's lost behind, words we could never find?

GROAR.


This has got to be my favourite line recently. It sounds like a roar, but yet it sounds like a monster. Which kinda mirrors how TSD has made me into a monster and put me in a state of extreme distress at the same time. GROAR. 


Apart from that, I don't know whether to be jealous or to be laughing at all you people who have to mug for CTs. I mean, ok, not that I don't but I has legit reason to fail yo. :D:D:D:D I mean, it must be sad to need to cram all that orgchem and puremath. But then again, you try this 


(You stay up 8 nights a week and work in school 8-7 everyday) 
*consult time*
Mr Lyon/ Silei: "Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..."
Ruth: "Hm?"
Mr Lyon/Silei: (stares at set) "NAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
Ruth: "/wrist" 


Yeah, I'll take the orgchem/puremath anytime. 


In other news, I still can't live with the fact that I play CHESTER MATTHIAS TAN's mother. What did I ever do to deserve this D: Comeon, that has to be the worst casting ever, look at how pretty I am, I must have had a one night stand with a martian to get chester tan. -.- And, I am NOT naturally aunty kthxbai. 


Oh well, jakfgkbsgjknJKNDFNSDK;FN;dgndjsgn;sdNFG;KSDNG;Klg. 


Goodluck to all you CT-mugging-peeps. 

Insanity is a state of mind.

One insane week later, I'm doing the typical Ruth thing of looking back and going "wth, that was me?!" TSD followed by Raffles Pairs and Guides Campfire and Youth Pairs and AHHHHH WHAI AM I BACK TO TSD I REFUSE TO DO TSD. 


Argh, the pervasive nature of insanity. Between fighting over a pink hoodie with hw, a green board with clarence and sugar biscuits with my guides, I have concluded that everyone in the world is insane. Everyone except me, plzkthx. 


Other than that, I <3 IJ guides :D I doubt any of them read this page so I don't need to worry that their impression on their cold, fierce YA will change. But, I'm really proud of how far they've come, or even if they didn't move that much, I'm still proud of who they are as a unit. They work hard and even if they don't love it that much, put in a lot of work. They don't care about how much of it is counted in some CCA record and whether that will win them a scholarship, they just know that things must be done, and do it. Whether they do it well or not, its secondary, because just to see the effort is already touching in itself. 


It kinda makes me sad that I'm stepping down because I know they will never want to have anything to do with this crazy scary rg girl who crashed into their unit. I know, I'll never ever get to help them read proposals again, or shout at them again, or to feel so proud of them again. But I guess life moves on and I'm glad I stayed in guiding 2 more years than I needed to. 


Oh well, art friend is opening. Time to go out.